I have stopped believing in the world.

One of the reasons I love Joel Goldsmith's teachings is that he gets right down to it.  He gets me right into the heart of the matter - God.  His writings have been very inspirational to me and has brought me back into the sense of my own True Reality the numerous times I have fallen or strayed away from my Center.  

Recently I have been experiencing a whole range of emotional meltdowns which have been really extreme.  I think it feels extreme because it is on its way out and the ego is trying to kick and scream to stay.  It tricks me back into hanging on to it by declaring promises of change. It pretends to be nice, be good, be better and if that is not enough, it wants to engage me in dead end, so-called supportive questions like "what do you think,eh?" making me believe that it truly wants to help me, but all the time knowing that its motive is completely different.  Of course not! it does'nt want to be helpful!!  It wants to feed on the usual chaotic way in which I have responded in the past.  The moment the environment begins to show signs of peaceful existence, the ego will not have it.  It stirs up the dust, kicks and puffs, cries and gets all victimized bringing attention on to itself and thereby starting another flare-up.  In the past I have fallen for it like a zillion times. But now, finally, its over - my tryst with the ego.  I have stopped responding to its bates.

You know, there are so many teachings out there, so many scriptures, and really good books and teachers all teaching you to overcome the ego. You want to change, you want to overcome and be better at responding the noises in your head, in the world, etc. That's why you go for training sessions and courses and every teacher expects that now his/her student is going to come out a winner overcoming the ego. According to my experience its not that simple. Its not so much the intention as it is the attention to the change we propose to make. Breaking away from the ego is the most difficult. That is part of the game play on Earth. If it were that easy the world would be a different place to behold already.  In a way actually, the world IS Heaven to behold - but only once the world I see in my mind is removed. 

Its not the big things to overcome.  Its the smallest, tiniest, the most subtle aspects of ourselves that are forgotten because we somehow have not been used to dealing with those aspects.  We are constantly looking at the big things, big tragedies, big wars, big viruses, big diseases ... all out there.  But all these 'out there' scenarios continue to get churned and reproduced by these small little 'sins' we have not even noticed within..  Every moment, there is a challenge.  Not because we have a competitive god, but because the Soul needs constant nurturing and attention.  The Soul needs for me to constantly remain in my "I AM-ness". And depending on how much effort one puts into that change, one will understand one's life in exactly that proportion. Wherever your feet have landed in your consciousness in any given situation and how one responds to it, from that space of understanding will one respond.  For each soul it is different and each must tend to its own garden.  No one from the world can be fully involved in that process. And so, for that we need intense attention to the mind. After all, haven't we heard so often that the world is only an effect?  Its like watching TV.  You can only see the programmes that are available to see. And now in this digital age, you can watch only the programmes you pay for. There are many freebies, but you don't want them because they are not worth watching! So, what is the state of my spiritual finances? That is a good question I keep asking myself.

These past couple of months have been enlightening and awakening in more ways than one. I can feel the strength of my own will has gotten better.  I rely less and less on the 'outside' word.  When I literally open my physical eyes, I see the light of the world, which is the effect of all that got sowed in the 'darkness' behind closed eyes.  I noticed how I could explore my "I Am-ness" in that wide open space behind my closed eye lids.  It is a vast terrain and filled with divine potentiality.  No disturbance can enter to help me 'create' a life of joy for myself.  I just have to sit in that place more and more and my rhythm begins to come back to normal.  I feel beyond better; I feel a bliss, a healing, a deep relaxation.  And sometimes I can hear the noises in my head trying to disturb my peace ... noises of the ego that has been dominating my life through various ways and means and it is precisely in this moment when I declare I AM NOT THAT PERSON that I suddenly feel free.  I have believed the world for so long and made all the opinions and comments and criticisms of the world my own. I have buried myself in guilt my whole life. Not anymore. I have believed myself to be all of those people that I am not and I have suffered tremendously for it. Not any more. I no longer pretend to be happy and at ease.  I Am what I Am in this moment, and if this moments feels divine, then I try to stay in that moment for as long as it is possible for me.  If it does not feel divine, then I still try to stay in it as long as possible to let it pass.  And now, as I sit in the deep darkness of my mind shinning with The Light of The Ultimate Reality, I can say with ease and calm I simply Am.  I AM. Period. I Am not this. I Am not that. I AM not the other.  I am simply I AM.  No extensions. No tags. AND THEN I WATCH IT ALL FALLING AWAY ONE BY ONE . All the judgments stop. I look forward to that moment in my consciousness when I can just BE without effort. I AM. And each and every time it feels blissful.

I have found myself going back to this guidance of Joel Goldsmith very often to bring me back to where I belong.  I love this piece. Its filled with loving guidance and care for the Soul

<< It would be an impossibility to find ourselves in the presence of God and find anything of a harmonious nature missing in our experience, because ‘I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.’ How could we possibly have the presence of that I, the presence of that God, and not have life and have it more abundantly? But to seek people, or places, or conditions would be to seek outside the realm of God. In that way lies trouble. Many have been destroyed by the very things they have devoted their lives to seeking, but no one has ever been destroyed by seeking and finding God. Seeking God leads to realization, to the actual experience of God. The Master well knew that in that experience we have all because he said: ‘Your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things. . . . for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.’ 

To comprehend the full meaning of the Master's statement, we must understand the nature of God. Probably all of us have been taught from childhood that there is a God, but few of us know what God is. If we could put aside all books, including the Bible, and live with but one question in our mind, ‘What is God?’ meditating day and night on that question, ultimately, God Itself would reveal the answer. We would have to do this, however, with a mind completely free of all concepts of God and begin as if we were completely alone with God. We would not accept anybody else's opinion, anybody else's experience, or anybody else's point of view: We would have our own experience with God. If we could do that, we should find that, sooner or later, God would reveal Itself to us in such unmistakable terms that never again would we have any doubts as to what God is or how to pray. >>

~ Joel Goldsmith ~

 I Am

Letting go my desires ...

Life is a Gift. Life is always flowing. All our desires naturally surface to the top because its all a part of the moving and flowing of life. The desire for any given thing at any given moment is very temporary.  Its an emotion, a feeling that will pass. Suffering comes from wanting to acquire the things in life we don't really need and, as a result, getting stuck in that moment.

In a world and time where most material commodities are tempting to purchase and own immediately, discretion is a virtue I value more than ever now, and it has become my close friend. I have found a very simple way of releasing my desires.  I believe most of the stuff we desire, we do not really need.  Most things I have wanted are just because ....... They are like the many products I desire and want to buy immediately from the online store. Suddenly there is such an urgency to acquire the desire of the moment. However, instead of buying them immediately, I place them in "My Wishlist" folder. After a week my desire has naturally passed without any struggle and that intensity to acquire that 'something' just flows away without a struggle and without me even noticing that it has passed.

I am applying this simple, but highly effective tool for me, in my cleansing and releasing routine.  It takes away the struggle and justifications one has when the desire to own something overrules the need to have it. Life is more fun to just observe this person called "Lavina" in this lifetime.  It is definitely more peaceful and joyous.

"You truly can reach a state in which you never have any more stress, tension , or problems for the rest of your life. You just have to realize that life is giving you a gift, and that gift is the flow of events that take place between your birth and your death.  These events are exciting, challenging and create tremendous growth."  ~ The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer ~

Namaste!

"Enlightenment"

"As I often say, "enlightenment" is a misnomer because the process of expanding wholeness is eternal. There was no beginning, there will be no end, and there is no final enlightenment.  What a relief!  Rather, there is a progression into ever more enlightening experience."

~ Excerpt from the book "Forgiving The Unforgivable" by Master Charles Cannon 

 I have the habit of reading many books at the same time, not always completing any one of them as I should in an orderly fashion simply because I see my books as learning devices and everyday I get new inspiration as to which device I should employ.  The last two days had me back to diving into "Forgiving the Unforgivable"  because I decided to give myself more time into contemplation than I normally do. And as always, my heart is always put to rest with just the right teaching at the most appropriate time.  I am a universal believer. I am not bound down by any one particular philosophy or religion.  In my heart there is only The One.  Period.  That is my spirituality and my religion.

Everyone of us life beings, are exactly where we are supposed to be. We are of course not meant to stagnate there at that point, but we are meant to soul-evolve. True soul evolution (for me) is when the meaning of one's life becomes clear from within one's self and  becoming aware of the inspirations that follow along the way for further growth.  No one can tell you that. Everyone can share.  But no one's view is valid for another. If it is does become so, it will only be up to a point.  The wisdom is to understand when to move on in the personal journey.

I am grateful for Master Charles Cannon's view on enlightenment because this is what I have always believed.  I feel the same about the process of "awakening" as well. I can't imagine there being a one-stop enlightenment and awakening deal.  If that was so, I would seriously be questioning the "eternality" of life.   Its all a process. A daily process as far as my own life is concerned and I imagine it must be for others too.  

I have given up the comfortable idea that all is well in the sense that there is going to be no chronic pain any more or that there is never going to be another conflict or disagreement in my world, etc. There is always something or the other going on and always will be, BUT, I am beginning to suffer far less than I used to. People are people. And each person is so unique and individual that to try to expect any standard behavior or code of conduct from anyone is ridiculous and setting myself up for acute disappointment, which, by the way, I have done atleast a zillion times. But once again, in my process of awakening, things have changed even further along the way. Amen to that!

I have now, with much gratitude to Life, been enjoying a new learning process.  Its a process of complete acceptance surrender and letting go my expectations, beliefs, habits, etc. Now, I have been doing this for years (or so I thought) but apparently not quite so effectively.  I am learning in a fresh new way that to take off the psychological pressure and burden I put on myself, I need to be super conscious every moment. There is no such thing as a little letting go here or little holding back there. Its ALL or nothing!  The effects of a little letting go, is only going to secure a little, short lived happiness. But surrendering and letting go completely ... ah! now we are talking! ... that's completely different ball game altogether.  My 56th birthday last month brought this into an unexpected, uncomfortable but the much needed and necessary realization of the self at yet another level of BE-ing.  My gratitude is boundless.

Life is not for suffering or not suffering.  Its purely for JOY - a Cosmic Joy because The Divine is extremely playful and delighting in Its own creation.  This idea takes a very, very long time to understand given the seriousness of our human nature and how we perceive and believe this world is and should be. The collective sense of humor does not exist. Most of the world sees a darkness. I think what happened with me was that I was deeply involved in suffering and reliving the idea of abandonment for so long, that it had become deeply embedded in my cells and therefore producing the same reactions and results over and over and over again. Actually, that is what happened exactly to be perfectly honest and real.

And one day (recently) I just burst out laughing.  It was hysterical.  This whole "abandonment" issue felt ridiculously, stupidly and funnily hysterical.  I do not know why it took this long to snap out of it.  There must be an unseen reason which my Soul will definitely reveal to me now that I have broken the record of my own record of martyred suffering and pain!! That is awakening progress for sure. The form I was seeing in front me day in and day out made me suddenly realize how I allowed myself to suffer unnecessarily. It seems it was my choice to see myself in constant pain in one area of my life and happy in another. I've no idea how I pulled that one off for so long but it certainly had to crack open one day! I am quite sure when something becomes so intense it has to break eventually whether that's the thought system, a relationship, a behavior, or whatever.  One eventually gets to see the comedy of one's life. Usually that happens long after the experience is over when we reminisce about the past!

A lovely reminder to keep me going.  Thank You. 

Excerpted from "Forgiving The Unforgivable" by Master Charles Cannon 

"Consciousness is entertained by its own play and if you are having a truthful perception of reality you should likewise be entertained by your life experience.  Witnessing your life is like going to the theatre.  One night it is tragedy: pathos, negation, and war.  At the end of the play, you applaud as you walk out, saying, "Well, that was a good tragedy.  I really enjoyed it." 

The next night is a comedy and there you are in the audience again, saying it was a good comedy, that you enjoyed it and you are applauding again.  Ideally you remain in witness consciousness regardless, watching and enjoying both tragedy and comedy. Of course most people jump up on the stage and become part of the play!  They project themselves and interfere. The don't remain wakeful in the here and now in witness consciousness simply watching. 

If you do learn how to remain in witness consciousness, delighting in your play, both comedy and tragedy, you actually learn to enjoy it all.  It is entertainment!  Of course, since the play of consciousness is multi dimensional, you begin to experience life much more fully than you ever could from just watching a play or a movie on the two dimensional screen."

Namaste!

TO EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON

I love the idea of taking many breaks during the year away from the same old usual stuff I am prone to doing throughout the year as a matter of habit.  I love moving away from the world and into my own cave of silence to try and make sense of my life at any given point in time.  I have been doing this for quite sometime now and the last quarter has been dedicated to deeply wandering within and being radically honest about more and more stuff in my life.  To live consciously is to live from the super-consciousness vibration rather than from the vibration of the body.  Joy and suffering are consistently changing places when one lives from the body consciousness. Too long of doing this creates serious problems physically, mentally and emotionally. Self Love is about taking time off everyday to nourish the parts of us that get battered when we feel wounded by the happenings of the world and soothing our inner child and allowing love to deeply heal every aspect of us - the inner child, the inner mom and the inner dad - so that we come in perfect alignment with The Blessed Trinity and feel Whole and Complete always. 

I love this reminder by Guy Finley.  

Simplicity is Spiritual Stability

by Guy Finley

Key Lesson: The more complex your life, the more vulnerable it is to the random exterior forces that can cause it to come crashing down. This is why -- speaking both physically and psychologically -- the simpler your life, the more stable it is; when one's peace of mind requires juggling many parts... all the more easily does one's peace come tumbling down. 

    Let Go and Be at Peace

Being at peace, and learning to live with quiet confidence -- even as the world spins wildly around us -- begins as we realize within us the presence and power of an interior stillness that neither needs, nor searches for, anything outside of itself in order to quietly know itself.

During these last three months of the year -- as we watch the life force of nature withdraw itself -- we see fields of green turn from gold to brown. Leaves lose their sheen and fall, without ceremony, to the earth that will consume them. Still, in all of this we know there is nothing to fear. Great nature must take her rest in order to resume being active again when conditions allow. It is our time as well to embrace this natural repose, letting go of whatever lives within us that wants to drive us forward without regard for our need to rest.

With Loving Gratitude.

Changes

Everything is changing at every level. I can feel and see the changes every single day. New things are happening. New developments taking place. Most nights my dreams inform me of further and deeper changes and showing me what more needs to go, who else needs my forgiveness and I theirs, reminders of people I have lost touch with - was parting a peaceful process or was there pain in the equation, etc., etc.?? I Am 'seeing' Life for what it is, not for what I want it to be. Looking at each moment this way removes resistance to change.  Everything is changing whether we are aware or not.  At home most of all the old stuff is just breaking down literally!! We are adapting to the changes.  We are building new things, removing old stuff, creating as much simplicity as we possibly can in our lives (my husband and I).  This does not mean that its all just new, new, new!  The old shadow self tends to creep back again and again but it has become so much easier to recognize the shadows now. To bring Light into my life is always about remembering my True Self.

All Is Well.

~ Lavina ~